I was asked this question by a team member and have been wrestling with it for oh almost a month I suppose... too long. I have been praying so much about where the next step with Jesus will be and how I can work with him. Whether it be in Sioux Center or some other part of the world (I just hope not anywhere cold because I have definitely become a wimp). As I seek his direction I am learning to be patient in this whorl wind of life America wants us to have. Standing still is where I am today just waiting while gazing at Jesus knowing he will reveal himself to me in the perfect time: HIS TIME.
My heart hurts with the loss of a family I grew to love in Guatemala. My heart feels like it has been ripped out, stomped on and now I am allowing Jesus to piece it back together in a new way. But healing takes time. I won't be the person to put on a fake facade of "Life is Perfect" because it isn't. I miss those kids and CONSTANTLY find myself there instead of here. If anyone asks,"Are you happy to be home?" I have to be 100% honest and say no. Yes I have been loving seeing everyone and sharing about how I feel in love with Jesus in a new and beautiful way but I am now fighting to keep my head a float by adjusting back to the American way of life. And it is hard because unless you have walked this path it is hard for me to put into words my emotions.
A few huge adjustments are understanding EVERY conversation in a room again, being short and not seeing over a crowd of people, and having my own schedule not the kid's or group's schedule. I know crazy right?! But it just takes time to process it all and take the right next step thru the right door. I now need to allow my experience to be shared with others and I love being able to share what I did and how I learned to rely on God in so many incredible new ways. My prayer is for you to realize how much God loves you and desires for you to love him with your life back! I desire to continue to search out where God is calling and want to be an encouragement to others who are searching or just trying to stay afloat in our busy lives. Remember God is crazy about you and all he desires is to be in a relationship with you, no matter the church walls you worship inside God wants even more to walk with you out the doors and into every part of your week... He wants to be your everything; to take away the stress, worry, fear, anxiety, and restlessness in your heart. He is crazy about you and as we go into this Easter weekend fall on your knees and love him, thank him for what it is that he did for you on that old rugged cross. He is waiting for you as he has been since the day he witnessed and smiled as you breathed your first breath! Your life is a celebration of the amazing God who created you to bring him glory. Life is a gift, how have you used it today?
Hey Rachel,
ReplyDeleteI kind of know how you feel, except I felt it on a smaller scale. That must be very hard, but I know that God will use you in many ways to share to others about your experience! I hope I will see you soon!
Hi Rachel,
ReplyDeleteNancy here. I want to thank you for a fallow up note on how you are doing since you got home. I'm also going to suggest, if you aren't already, start readying biographies of Missionaries. I listen to them on the radio and you will be blessed by reading their lives and testimonies. They had thoughts and questions just like you:) And I think they will encourage you and help you hear what the Lord has for you. BE PATIENT.....wait on the Lord. I am praying for you.