Seeing Joy and the Struggles

A smiling face.  The giggle of a silly happy child.  Dancing to the music.  Hugging so tightly it hurts.  Kisses from a dirty faced child who now claims me as his girlfriend.  Hearing I loove you oodles and oodles a day simply because someone saw me or perhaps was misbehaving and was caught.  The chocolate covered faces after s’more making.  The contented sigh of a child.  Yes I am surrounded by joy, contentment, and a new family.  

One of the greatest joys is right away in the morning when everyone is clean and just wants to make sure I am still here.  The hugs and kisses each morning as the sun rises over the mountains is simply a great way to start the day.  I could not be more content and happy where I am right now where God has called me now.  I am living simply and without being married to a cell phone or wondering what I need to do next.  Slowing down is one of the biggest things I have learned so far.  Kids just simply need their parents, siblings, and those they love to just love them back thru the gift of time.  I am learning how to love each child according to their own needs.  I have surrounded my room with pictures of everyone in my family and those I love; I also realize how important it is that I am blessed with a fabulous support system who loves me and is praying for me always.  It has been neat to step back and watch the kids respond to different things.  Any male Guatemalan or American is called Papa.  They call me Mama, not sure why exactly but if that is who I am to them I will give my love to them as God continues to pour out HIS love to me.  Yes joy is everywhere all God asks us to do is simply stop and smell the roses as the old saying goes, you might be surprised what God wants to teach you.

Yes the struggles.  I have been here just 2 weeks now.  I have grown a lot.  I realize it all sounds wonderful but I am still the same person struggling to make time out of a busy day to really get to know my Father in heaven who longs to teach me how to love the kids better.  I try to play the lame excuse game with God but it simply comes down to me and making time to get on my knees and worship HIM.  It is not all about a spiritual high but more of a growing and maturing process.  God desires to teach me and some days I struggle to see it and make time to meet with HIM.  Between a baby crying, chasing yet another kid out of my room, or reading the Foot Book by Dr. Seuss again it is tough work.  

Sometimes all I want to do is cry because I feel so inadequate to teach Jose anything,  he has autism to a certain degree and with no teaching background let alone special needs and did I mention a language difference.  Needless to say I am learning patience.  He is an awesome helper but there is only so much and almost 4 year old can do.  I am daily learning in small bits he loves to color, do puzzles, play play dough, read books, and play memory.  I am always whispering a prayer for patience as I deal with keeping calm and instructing Jose between Spanish and English.  Normally I start in English but switch to Spanish so he understands better.  Baby Rosa always chooses to fuss about the time we are sitting down so she is normally on one hip or learning to sit up on the floor near us to keep happy.  

I also fight being exhausted especially today.  Anya and I went to the airport for the third day in a row but thank goodness this time we didn’t leave until 11 to pick up Tim our construction leader.  The other 2 times were 3:30 AM.  And when I return everyone is up and going so its not the best nap time.  I find myself leaning more and more on the Lord for strength because I can’t do it alone.  And then add on when teams are here devos aren't over until 10 but I can’t miss it since is a time to let myself relax and just worship the Lord and thank him for his faithfulness to me.  

Learning not to try and do everything the American my way but rather changing how they things for the better and leading by example.  I have to remember that things for example a high chair is a luxury to them.  But how to gently show them how they can improve a few things with little simple changes is a challenge.  One thing I have learned is if its working don’t change it.  I have to keep in mind the cultural differences without offending them and making myself like a bad guy.  It is hard to explain exactly what I want to say but it is not always easy to make sense of why they do what they do.

I have been asked a few times if I am homesick… not for the weather of course but more for the community I have at home.  It is getting better now because I am fitting into a new family now.  The ladies have taken me under their wing.  I am getting to know Dan, Anya, and Estuardo’s family better.  It was for sure hard the first day I was here on the base without anyone I knew or knew me well.  I shed many tears and tried to bite my lip and continue to praise God for bringing me here to love and be his hands and feet.  I am human and I love my family deeply but now it is time to keep my chin up and love these kids like my mom loves me… like a grizzly bear.  I want to protect and keep these kids away from the evil that's out there.  I have to remember I am not truly being God’s hands and feet by having a pity party about missing my family but rather thanking him for giving me an awesome family who is letting me share that with kids who don’t have a family to love them.  Daily I get up and remind myself we are all a family in Christ.

Yes it is not all nice butterflies and roses.  I need to be even more disciplined to daily get on my knees dig into his word, and offer my life back to him.  He is a mighty God and I need to say okay Lord show me more of yourself today even when it is just thru the mundane.