6.24.2014

Finding HOME


I have wrestled with my challenge where is home... The more I have prayed chewed on and conversed with others I have come to realize the longing inside of me is not a place a building country or even the people I call family but it is being in the center of God's will each and every day of my life.  I can wake up each day and be focused on all the missed opportunities, kiddos I long to kiss and hold, and the place I WANT... Instead I have focused on who and what God is asking of me each day.  I have been on a roller coaster of emotions every day since returning but the more I focus on relationships and God's will the easier life is... Not easier but more fulfilling because trust me what God asks sometimes stops me dead in my tracks but when I follow thru I am so overflowing with his faithfulness I am as a bride on her wedding day... or you know what I mean :)

I do yes have rough days and times I don't see or seize and opportunity.. But God is faithful and always provides another!!  That is just how perfect and wonderful God is!  I am just ahhh so glad to be loved, forgiven, and in love with HIM.  I am so far from perfect I have my own set of flaws mistakes and imperfections that I see but I know all HE sees is beauty, perfection, and a heart that yearns to follow HIM.  

I get asked frequently where exactly God is leading me next in life and I am here to say, " Not sure yet."  But when I look back over the past 3 years I can say it just took time to fulfill the purpose and following in the little things opened up the door to the bigger things.  I am learning to be faithful in the little things so I can look back in 5 years and say,"Thanks God you had my back the whole time now I just understand it a whole lot better."  That is just how cool God is.  I need to continue to hold his hand even when all I want to do is cry in frustration because I miss opportunities, people, or just need to let it all out.  He loves me the good ugly and all.. I am a child of a King. Forgiven, Redeemed. and Living for a PURPOSE.



5.31.2014

Living in the Moment that Lasts for a Lifetime

Ahhh warm weather!! FINALLY!!!!  It sure does wonders on the attitude and a little tan never hurt either!   It has been a great past 2 weeks.  2 amazing weddings two weekends in a row watching friends commit their lives to each other with the Lord as their guide.  Simply a blessing to be the stylist for one of the weddings and walking alongside the bride and the families enjoy the day of celebration!  Laughter and tears of joy and the pride in a father's voice of his love for his daughter.  The simple delights but yet moments I will forever treasure.  blessings.  relationships.  The Lord blessed me with friends who live in the moment and laughter that lasts years beyond.

This past memorial day my family got down in the dirt and planted all 1102 flowers... Yes that is a lot of holes but we have our ways!!  What a pleasure it was to just simply enjoy each sister for an afternoon and evening.  We each had our special "task" but none was more important than the other because everything needed to be done to accomplish the job together correctly.  It brings to mind my Wednesday night bible study discussion.  I learned about spiritual gifts; none is greater but they are all serving the greater purpose to glorify the Lord.  No matter how great or small they are as long as I use the gifts God has given me to glorify him I am serving HIM and living in the moment by not missing an opportunity to bring praise to HIS name and delight HIM by being simply who he created me to be.

As my family faithfully gathers each night out by our fire pit after every busy day, I find myself just simply smiling at the moments we relive over and over.  The laughter never seems to cease the more and more we repeat our stories and moments in life.  We might not always tell them correctly, or perhaps stretch them a little more but it never fails to have everyone laughing.  I am lucky to have people in my life who I have shared incredible moments with in life that have shaped me whether learning to love more, let go, or simply take a deep breath.  Life is a simply amazing journey but keeping my eyes up and knowing I live solely for an audience of ONE allows me to just step back, even when I have lost patience or gotten frustrated and laugh.  Reliving those moments over and over to allow them to last for my lifetime and who knows maybe even generations to come..

5.22.2014

Stuck in the Middle

Here I am again... waiting, patiently, well not SO patiently... Why do I always look ahead to what I can see at the end of the week rather than looking at the person in my chair in the salon, next to me in the checkout line, sitting at lunch with me.  Do I REALLY know or even want to know how they are doing besides our normal "good" response?  Their is so much more going on in our "good" lives but we don't take the time to share what good it is.. weather bad good or great good.  Relationships are a key to life.  The more I develop the existing friendships the more I long for even deeper things within those relationships.  One key for me not to slip into pity mode is to invest time, energy, and listening ears not just one but BOTH.  I say I am stuck in the middle not in a bad way but in a way that I have relationships here that I know will always be here and family down a few countries away that might not always be there or will constantly be changing.

Yes this weekend was a great relational weekend.  Graduation parties for the class that were just baby freshman when I was a senior; congratulating them on a job well done and whoa I was so humbled by the stories of when I had taken time as the "elder" to listen, laugh, or cry with them.  Class of 2014 I am blessed by you!  A wedding of a very dear and special brotherly friend to an amazing woman!  May God richly bless you as you begin the new chapter together!  And the dance was the best ever with amazing friends!  Then watching commencement as my sister walked across the stage to receive her diploma from a special uncle!  And her awesome party where once again I was able to share my Guatemala experience and just catch up with those I haven't seen in a few months!  It was wonderful to reconnect relationships!  And lastly having to say goodbye to friends as they ventured back after graduation from college, not knowing when I will be able to see them but hopefully sooner than later since I struggle with this patience thing!

I am so blessed and look forward to warmer weather, bonfires, and moving the lawn.  But more importantly building relationships to last and deepening the existing relationships I have.  As I am in the patience zone, God is teaching me to really listen to the answers of :good: and date to ask more of them instead of just settling for an answer I know is only surface level.  I challenge you tomorrow to challenge those you love to be better than good everyday but rather be honest about the real issues high or low going on.  We might all be surprised how admitting the truth will bring us closer.  I know I have sad days and happy days but thru it all I have to remember who it is that I will keep my focus on.. my life is lived for an audience of 1

5.12.2014

Did someone mention GRADUATE?!?!?!

May is absolutely flying... where has the time gone?!  Actually that is how I feel about the past 4 years as my little sis GRADUATES.....wait yes for real she is GRADUATING!!!!   It feels like yesterday I was the big "senior" sister she was looking up to and I was the one standing up and stepping in for her.  Now as I have been blessed to watch her grow and blossom into a lovely young woman; I am proud!  We have spent so much time bonding and no one quite understands me like she does.  We never really fight, yes we disagree from time to time but a heart beat later we are joking and going to Walmart together.  She is the one I can always count on for a funny Pinterest joke or a goofy text to cheer up any bad day I might be having.  It is crazy how different we are but yet we tolerate and love each other in a weird but totally normal way!  I remember all the teasing and deep talks we have shared throughout the years, moments I will always treasure and cherish.  And yes all those crushes I would tease you about or how much better my driving skills will always be compared to yours.. simply because I am older!  It feels like yesterday I was looking for you in the hallway, coaching you thru basketball practice, or getting ticked at you for ALWAYS making me late for school (which we never really were).  It has been fun working in the Pet Lodge together and always getting into trouble for being the "naughty two".  The trouble we got in was minimal but the memories monumental.  All those pranks or silly nights of sparkling grape juice need to always be a part of our routine together no matter how old we become!  I will always be the proudest big sister of you no matter how old we get!!

Jules I am proud how you have been the Senior sister standing up and stepping in for Em!  I have enjoyed this year watching you two bond and grow closer as the year is almost over cherish and treasure the last few days you have in school together because it won't ever quite be the same!  I love you and can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for you in the future











4.15.2014

Where is HOME?

I was asked this question by a team member and have been wrestling with it for  oh almost a month I suppose... too long.   I have been praying so much about where the next step with Jesus will be and how I can work with him.  Whether it be in Sioux Center or some other part of the world (I just hope not anywhere cold because I have definitely become a wimp).  As I seek his direction I am learning to be patient in this whorl wind of life America wants us to have.  Standing still is where I am today just waiting while gazing at Jesus knowing he will reveal himself to me in the perfect time:  HIS TIME.

My heart hurts with the loss of a family I grew to love in Guatemala.  My heart feels like it has been ripped out, stomped on and now I am allowing Jesus to piece it back together in a new way.  But healing takes time.  I won't be the person to put on a fake facade of "Life is Perfect" because it isn't.  I miss those kids and CONSTANTLY find myself there instead of here.  If anyone asks,"Are you happy to be home?" I have to be 100% honest and say no.  Yes I have been loving seeing everyone and sharing about how I feel in love with Jesus in a new and beautiful way but I am now fighting to keep my head a float by adjusting back to the American way of life.  And it is hard because unless you have walked this path it is hard for me to put into words my emotions.

A few huge adjustments are understanding EVERY conversation in a room again, being short and not seeing over a crowd of people, and having my own schedule not the kid's or group's schedule.  I know crazy right?! But it just takes time to process it all and take the right next step thru the right door.  I now need to allow my experience to be shared with others and I love being able to share what I did and how I learned to rely on God in so many incredible new ways.  My prayer is for you to realize how much God loves you and desires for you to love him with your life back!  I desire to continue to search out where God is calling and want to be an encouragement to others who are searching or just trying to stay afloat in our busy lives.  Remember God is crazy about you and all he desires is to be in a relationship with you, no matter the church walls you worship inside God wants even more to walk with you out the doors and into every part of your week... He wants to be your everything; to take away the stress, worry, fear, anxiety, and restlessness in your heart.  He is crazy about you and as we go into this Easter weekend fall on your knees and love him, thank him for what it is that he did for you on that old rugged cross.  He is waiting for you as he has been since the day he witnessed and smiled as you breathed your first breath!  Your life is a celebration of the amazing God who created you to bring him glory.  Life is a gift, how have you used it today?

3.19.2014

Family Time!

Last week Tuesday was the LOONNNNNGGESSSTTT day.  The team was suppose to arrive at 11:20 AM.  We left around 10:20 ish but the few hours before then were filled with anticipation.  I was so excited to see Maria, Michael, Ali, and the rest of the Iowa team!  Once we were finally on the road it was the longest ride to the airport I have ever had!  Anya dropped me off to sit and wait for the team to arrive!  I was watching and watching, there was a group of people gathering and I assumed they were the half of the Michigan team but I still hadn't seen any Iowa faces... Finally I saw a little blonde walking out of the airport!  I took off running and screaming her name and thru my arms around her!!  It was the best hug I have ever received!  I was shaking and crying simply because I had been so anxious to see her and Michael!  And of course Ali, an amazing girlfriend of mine!   So fun to see them all but even funnier was the faces of the Michigan team members at the sight of this crazy girl who just sorta showed up and started giving out orders!  But they listened and we were able to get them loaded up in no time!  Off we went to San Ramon!! The van ride was filled with laughs and lots of catching up!  Anya and I tend to start to make up silly unbelievable answers to peoples questions because we have answered them so many times and people don't expect it from us at all.  I told my van the reason the bottom of the trees were painted white was calcium licks.  To which Maria called me out on but not after everyone in the van believed me first!   The real reason is it is to prevent termites and it is easier to see at night.  We were just nearing San Ramon when Daniel's van had a flat tire but much better than last time because it was day light not nighttime.   We arrived around 3 PM.  I took a group down to the river and then took Maria and Michael to my first house I built that was down near the river.  It was so much fun to be able to share and show them were I have been.  It rained right before devotions.  So loud in fact we just sang and sang praising our Lord for "Grace Like Rain."  A powerful way to start out the week ahead just adoring our Lord for who He is and getting our focus on Him.  It also made for a muddy first day of building but the cloud cover was so welcome no one bothered to complain!

Our house was built for a widowed Mother, Marta, and her 3 children Ana 16, Miguel 18, and Juana 21.  Marta's son Carlos, his wife Rosa, and their 3 young children were also there to help.  It is always fun to get to know more family!  I have to say every family I have built for God has brought "extras" we did not know about to be there.  But He knew they needed to be there to experience and build relationships with us as well.

I did handpick my building team because I wanted my sister on my team!  We had 3 from Iowa: Maria, Terri, and John, and 3 from Michigan: Albie, Jesse, and Jessica.  The best part was 2 had been there before and one was my sister!  I will admit it was nice to be the one telling her what to do and teasing her along the way!  I loved it and so did she makes up for the lost time over the past few months!  We had our house up in no time and I loved how hard working and respectful my team was.  We all bonded instantly; Jessica was a hairdresser so the bond was instant :)  I enjoy getting to know my teams and also going house to house this week seeing how everyone was bonding was so neat.  Not every team bonds as quickly as this team!   Everyone just had a desire to meet and get to know everyone on the other team.   They were willing to help out in any way! In fact Dan decided that just to try to stress me out he sent over his team because they were finished and mine wasn't quite there.  The help was appreciated and I can easily handle giving instructions to 12 people no problem :)  Devo's were set for 7 PM and it rained again.   It has been so interesting because it is the dry season but it has rained so much!   We all just gathered in close and worshiped louder than the rain on our tin roof!  God knew we needed to be close and

Stucco day went so quickly!  I ended up way to full of stucco for my liking but oh well it all washes off in the end anyway!   I told them I don't care just not in my hair!  They listened but I still looked like I bathed in it!   Painting was a Sea Foam Green affair and in no time we had a beautiful canvas to decorate for the family.  I told my group, "Make it personal".  I had other work to go do so It is always a surprise the next day to see what they have done with the house!  Finally we were able to start a fire and do devotions out under the stars to sing for all the world to hear!   It was a night of preparation as tomorrow we enter battle.  I can't describe how encouraged I was by the focus of this team.  We prayed by name for each family member in our house before heading to bed.  It was a beautiful picture to see each building group gathered, heads down, pouring their hearts out for people they barely knew but yet had formed a relationship with.

Everyone was up early for dedication day and as I headed to the bathroom seeing everyone digging into the word and focusing on the battle ahead was moving.  It is encouraging to know how seriously the matter at hand was.  They grasped it and were going to be fully ready for the enemies attacks!  As we began dedicating, prayers were being lifted up, songs were sung, and words from God's word were pouring out of the lips of team members.  God was surrounding us and his Spirit was on us.  I had a peace that today was the Lord's and nothing was going to go wrong.  I was encouraged by the team to pour myself out fully and watch them stay focused thru the entire dedication time.   It gives me goosebumps to talk about how focused and intent they were praying for the souls of the people.  My house was going to be dedicated last which is what I like best.  At the third house the group outside was singing "Amazing Grace" and just as they were singing the line - How precious did that Grace appear the hour I first believed- the father of the house was answering yes to accept Jesus as his personal Lord and Savior.  It was a powerful moment!  I love when the spirit moves and then being able to share later makes it even better!!  For our house we gave the gifts, exchanged words, and began.   As we shared our words the mother and daughters began to weep.  It was evident the pain they were carrying at the loss of a father and husband.  The son soon realized that he didn't have to be the leader alone but God would do it with him.  Our family all accepted Christ as well as the "extras" that helped all week!  God blessed us with more than we were anticipating!!  He is so good!!

The first Medical clinic we were going to has never been visited before.  It is a new region but steeped in years of religion and tradition not a personal relationship with a living Savior.  The name of the village was Los Cerditos meaning the Closed off ones.  We were ready with lots of ice breakers, coloring, nail painting, jump roping, and my personal favorite, Soccer!   They had a huge dirt field with no ravines on the edges!  I enjoyed our girls vs boys game.  I needed a break so I headed back to see how Maria was doing in the clinic!  At that time a mom with her 22 day old baby boy was about to sit down to have her med's explained to her.  I of course couldn't resist putting my arms out and taking her baby for a few minutes!  She was a beautiful mom and her baby was strong and healthy!  She was laid on my heart during the Jesus film but it was time for singing and testimonies so I could only pray now that she would stay and not leave because it was getting cooler outside.  After powerful testimonies and singing we dispersed among the crowd!  I saw my mom was still there but as the gospel was being presented she turned as if to leave.  I stepped in to block her path and offered to hold her baby once again.  She allowed me to hold her baby while she listened and I prayed the Lord would move her and keep the baby quiet!  As the invitation was extended she had tears rolling down her face but was hesitant to go forward.  As soon as Johanna came and asked her if she wanted to go she immediately grabbed her other young son's hand and headed forward.  At that point the baby began to cry, I knew he was hungry but tried to keep him quiet even though he was hungry.  It was a beautiful thing to watch everyone falling on their knees and accepting Jesus for the very first time!  It gets everyone excited for the next clinic and the chance to do it again!

Our second village, Chacanun, was special for 2 reasons.  We were able to commission Acedro as a Lay Pastor in the village.  But also they built houses in the village 3 1/2 years ago.  Tonight was not so much about first time dedication but more recommitting and reconnecting with Christ.  I prayed for the Lord to lay someone on my heart and right when we made it down the big hill into the village I saw him.  A little boy in a dark green hoodie but I was going to be in the clinic doing glasses.  Terri offered to do it instead because she knew I wanted to be out with the kids.   I made her a Spanish Script and took off.  I wandered up the hill and saw my little guy sitting there so I motioned to him and his eyes lit up when I did the Frisbee motion.  I noticed right away the other boys were picking on him and he was protective of his Frisbee and soccer ball.  Finally I was asking him his name, Israel and he was 9 years old.  I asked him how many siblings he had and he said only one brother, Jose 12 years old.  For some odd reason I also asked if his parents were here.  Instantly his head went down and he said they were both dead.  Boy I took a shot to the heart on that.  He said him and his brother live alone in a pink house, meaning one that the team had built.  He told me his grandparents lived a few houses down but they didn't live with them.  I sat on the grass and slowly he kept getting closer and soon couldn't cuddle into me any closer.  His brother joined us on the grass to.  He really didn't care about playing Frisbee instead he wanted love.  I just sat and held him all night long!  After the invitation he tugged me up and took me to the front where his brother was.  I knelt down put my arms around both of them and cried with them.  Hearing Jose cry out to Jesus was a moment I will never forget.  The sadness and burden he felt was being released as he cried out to Jesus.  I had packed a bag of food, candy, and extra granola bars from various team members to give him.  He was grinning ear to ear as he had his bag in one hand, bible in the other, and another bag on his back.  He was so cold so I gave him my sweatshirt as well.  I couldn't help but just want to bless him with everything I had!  We were able to pray once again for the missionary and safe travels home before leaving!  A powerful night!

Monday morning I woke up to discover my sister had gotten sick in the middle of the night.  She stayed in my room with me and we enjoyed quality sister bonding time!  She decided not to go to Antigua so instead I had to help Michael shop for her!  I can say we bonded and had a great time trying to barter together!  It was a day I won't to quickly forget!  I was so blessed to spent time with family and share in the experience with them.  It was a gift and something I will cherish forever!  Saying good bye was a happy occasion!  I didn't shed any tears but rather couldn't stop smiling at the week we shared together!  As I struggle to get excited about leaving it did help to see them and know that in just 2 weeks I will see them again!   Now comes packing as I sent one bag back with them.  I look forward to one more week and a last build in San Ramon!  Please continue to pray for us for strength and patience!  We can't say enough how your prayers help us thru the week!   Only 13 more days and I will get to see you all again!

3.07.2014

Beauty in LITTLE things

A new tooth... Jumping in a water puddle...  Listening to the crickets after all the kids are in bed and it is quiet... Crayons all over the floor... Nails painted hot pink... The content baby sigh...  Another empty bottle...  Giggles when swinging because I am tickling Evonne...  The kisses that we exchange before bed... My 3 favorite words I love you being yelled under my bathroom door while I try to quick shower.... A content heart basking in the love the Father has for me in HIS perfect plan!

What a wonderful crazy week!  I am tired but yet I can't get enough of all the new babies!  I just go round and round... feeding, changing, burping, feeding again!!  Bounce, bounce, bounce!  Rosa is not sure how much she likes her "mom" holding other babies while she has to sit and watch :)  But she is now big enough to hold her own bottle and put herself to sleep, which makes me sad but God blessed me with 4 other babies to rock every night!  I did have one fantastic afternoon because all the kids went for their monthly doctor visit so I did laundry, cleaned, and enjoyed my quiet!  But everyone came back and back to the hustle and bustle!

Please be in prayer for Dulce.  She was recast on Tuesday and when they went to the doctor on Wednesday she went to the hospital.  She was throwing up due to her spine adjusting to the recast but she is doing better it is just taking a little time.  Please pray that her little precious body becomes adjusted to her new position and keeps healing.  She is strong and has a fighting spirit but her body now needs to heal!

Today Anya and I were able to take a hike as a little break in the action!  We took a hike to the bottom of the valley behind the base to see the waterfall and river below.  Nothing is more moving than God's creation to show how powerful and amazing HE is.  I can't say it was relaxing but it was a few hours of quiet and laughter was refreshing!  The waterfall was about 20 feet and coming down the mountian I could hear the rushing water!  Wow breathtaking for sure!  But I made sure I was back in time to love my kiddos for a few extra hours filled with laughter and kisses!

I am also getting excited to see my sister and brother-in-law on Tuesday!  It feels like yesterday I stepped off that plane and now we have only two teams left!  It has been a humbling experience to watch others lives change and still others come to know Christ as their personal Savior for the first time!  A powerful event that never ever gets old and continues to bring me to tears everytime I am amidst it!  It is a humble experience to be a part of the Lord's work when He really doesn't need me to be but yet it is a gift He allows us to experience!  Please pray for the last two remaining teams and strength as we finish out the season strong for the LORD!